I (Might) Give You Anything With Love

“I need to you co-sign on my apartment lease. I promise you’ll never have to pay anything. There’s nobody else I can ask.”

I knew it was a ridiculous request as soon as I heard it. I was certain I’d regret saying anything except “No.” My clumsy attempt to explain my trepidation was misinterpreted as “Yes.” The relationship was over within 72 hours.

In the past, the women in my life have expressed some silly, stupid, or insensitive desires. I’ve sidestepped some insincere beseechings, as well as ignored out-and-out demands that were just unreasonable. One woman, mentioned in a previous article, commented on my lousy choice in footwear and said “We both need new sneakers.” A month later, she decided to buy a pair on her own. “I’ll send you the receipt, so you can pay for them,” she offered. The look of shock on my face must have been chilling, because she never sent any such document. That relationship lasted perhaps another month.

It’s not a matter of “What would you do for love?” I was in a 20-year marriage that was part of a 25-year relationship. I made many compromises, agreements, and trade-offs in that tenure. There were parties I attended where I knew nobody. After my girlfriend/wife disappeared with her friends at one such encounter, a guy sauntered next to me and asked, “Are you her designated driver?”