I had a passcode on my phone b/c I was in an office and traveling to/from the city everyday. But my (ex) wife had the code in case she needed to call someone and the info was in my phone, not hers.

She did not have a passcode but I never needed to use her phone. Until one day when a weird male parent from our temple started texting her about an 80s theme party he was throwing. I made some disparaging comments but then felt bad and wanted to get the details. Checked her phone and there were NO TEXTS. NOTHING. From anyone.

I innocently asked her about it, “What’s the deal with the party?” She got a look of horror, started SCREAMING at me, put a passcode on her phone, and would not tell me what it was.

Curious and nervous about her anger, I checked our phone bill. She had exchanged more than 1,0000 text messages, images, and phone calls with this guy over a four-month timeframe. Foolishly, I asked her about that and it started seven months of gaslighting until I finally filed for divorce.

They had an emotional affair that turned physical. She kept me off-balance by telling me every day that I was a horrible person who had betrayed HER trust. And that looking at our PHONE BILL was a violation of her privacy.

She was texting him the minute I left the house (“All clear”), talking to him until the minute she had to drop our son at preschool, chatting again at his lunchtime, throughout our other son’s afternoon sports program, and then texting for hours in the kitchen (avoiding me) until bedtime. All to set up liaisons two nights a week when she dolled herself in full makeup for “cardio kickboxing” and stayed out until midnight.

I trusted my ex-wife for decades. Until her phone proved she was no longer trustworthy.